Even the most loving relationships cannot thrive and evolve within the chains of possession. Who owes you and who you owe is the definition of the word, “nobody”. Some relationships are so heavy laden with fairy tale or archaic expectations and entitlements that there are constant charges being made at such a high interest rate that will never be paid off. The relationship is in debt! (continue…)
A relationship experiences a high debt load when one or both people feel they are not getting something they feel entitled to that the other person does not, will not or cannot give. Be it variations of infidelity – emotional, financial or sexual, baggage, media and societal expectations or self-ignorance; indebted relationships have not established a positive relationship currency or a realistic rate of exchange. The relationship currency is the “give and take” and the rate of exchange is the ratio of what how it is valued and exchanged between two different perceptions. It takes self-discovery, time, maturity, communication and realistic expectations to prove what works for your unique relationship.
Your relationship is unique and sometimes relationship debt comes from outside sources; what your relatives, friends, colleagues or even what people in the media do. You place those expectations on your relationship and it starts out owing a debt that the relationship never signed up to be responsible for. Holding someone accountable for what they never committed to can sustain the debt and bankrupt your relationship. Also, if you have been mistreated, not forgiving someone is weighty and you may have to make some hard decisions about your relationship, but ultimately forgiveness will free you from the heaviness of debt in this one or the next.
You can decide to settle relationship debts by deliberately forming a purposeful relationship. Purposeful and loving relationships are debt free and yield the profit of respect! You can experience a committed relationship without ill-fitting entitlements, debt and possession. Some of the best ways to experience the freedom of a purposeful relationship is to:
- Respect individuality. Discover who you are as an individual and that will help you define who you are in your relationship. Self-ignorance is the culprit behind most relationship issues.
- Keep the lines of communication open. Be forthright about your changes and expectations and be willing to allow the relationship to evolve and grow.
- Be honest about your level of commitment. Commit to yourself first, it brings clarity of how to commit to someone else and appreciates their willingness to do so.
- Set boundaries. Be realistic about what you want and consistent with you are willing to give. Your relationship should be a healthy exchange where you two flow freely, not a means of control.
- See the relationship as a partnership to support teamwork instead of having power struggles. The only war in true love is not allowing external issues to negatively affect it.
Know that commitment is an option and what you really owe to yourself and to the relationship is the ability to say, “I owe me to give you my best freely.” and do it, consistently! Allow yourself to be held accountable to the relationship currency you and your partner establish. Yes relationships have architectural definitions but not chains of debt. So don’t allow possession, archaic expectations or ill-fitting entitlements to ride in on the back of love, mutual consensus or genuine commitment.
Of course, you want to love and be loved by someone in a special way, maybe even exclusively. Just don’t allow that exclusivity to incur debt and destroy the freedom of love found in purposeful relationships. There is so much more pleasure in being with someone who is with you freely versus someone who is with you because of controlling debt. Be free from relationship debt. Be free to enjoy the wealth found in healthy and more purposeful relationship.